julliette_rose (julliette_rose) wrote,

I feel so duped

Here I sit while shes away sleeping in my bed. She asked me the question I didnt want to ask her "how many people Ive seen since Ive been seeing her?" My answer was the one date I had already scheduled from before we met. Technically I have not and will not tell her about the Richie thing so maybe Im more at fault afterall. So I asked the question that I wasnt capable of hearing the answer to. A large part of me wanted to scream shout and slap her but then I realized A she is on "holiday" and B we never said anything. The worst part is I picked her up at midnight because she wanted to comeover and now Im up wide awake stuck with thoughts and images I never wanted to see. Argh! I feel stupid but now in a way happy that I hurt her the other day. She asked if I was ok and I lied. Im angry and fin hurt. I never expected this to be forever just for the short while here while your fin me dont f others. I feel like I should go get tested asap after I drop her ass off tomorrow. This for the record behaved more like dating than a f buddy. We had times where we would just sleep and all the inimate things that just dont happen in a hookup. We spent days together just being. I feel like this is attacking the thoughts in my brain and consuming them all until all thats left is the unending caralarm of garbage. I must sleep and kick the beast out tomorrow!
Tags: all the things she said running through
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