I just reread the last thing I wrote and it makes sense and then somehow I ended making the best out of things I guess. We talked about it the next day and I felt better because I then felt validated as something. Either way that is neither here nor there. I apparently am ill equipped for flings. Really havent had a true fling since I was a teenager. This whole thing was very movie like though at least in my head and its sad that I wont have a good night darling text before I go to bed. I was trying to find the purpose in all this and Carla found it that I could really feel again I didnt realize how emotionally empty I had become since Richie left. She brought me back and even though I miss her and may or may not see her in April this moment in time meant something. This morning though I woke up and realized how much I need to get my life in order though Ive made big steps since Richie but there is still more to be done. The only thing preventing me from being exactly where I want to be is me. I am making the list and it will get done.
On a lighter note Thanksgiving is fast approaching and Im not sure what I want to do with myself. The more adult conversations I have with my Dad I realize that he is not able to deal with my voice so unless I want to be the child an argument while trapped in acar is sure to happen. Or could be okay sometimes it looks a little better. I have no idea what thanksgiving would be about I dont want to deal with pamela though alone.
My mom is having t day at her house plus side is that its the only traditional turkey day that I have downside is dealing with being stranded for extended periods of time at my moms house with family. She is becoming more needy than ever I wish that she would get a friend or hobby or any sort of sense of self and belonging.
My aunts t day would feel like Im an intruder its her s and m friends carla, miles and friends.
argh I also have a booty call offer thats not going to happen but I could get a ride out of but I dont particularly want that either.
Ill be in sr friday with carla and we will see. Christmas Im bringing my car .